I'm honestly feeling just so all over the place. I do not feel grounded at all. Maybe "at all" is a little extreme, but I'm just feeling like I don't know how to show up and present myself to world. I don't know how to voice my opinions. I don't know what the right thing to believe is. I feel like I'm very caught up in trying to do the right thing and also very caught up in not trying to fit into categories I don't want to be in. I know I need to be extra mindful of the ways in which I am showing up and the space I am taking up on the internet in this time. I feel like a lot of things I care about just aren't as important as other things. I myself am not interested in running for office. That's fine. I know that. I guess I just don't know how to show up in a way that is...

I feel like right now is a particular time. Or I want to believe that at least. I feel like right now all anyone can talk about is the election and I agree with that. Or rather that's all anyone can really focus on. Posting about anything else seems rather inconsiderate. But then it's like well I am an affluent white person and my life really will not be very affected by this election.

It feels so stupid to be like I wish I wasn't white. Really what's going on here is that waking up to white privilege is really just mentally draining. I think about my privilege in everything that I do. I don't know how to exist as a white person. I don't want my whole life to have to fade to the shadows because I am white. I want to take up space. I want to voice my opinions. I want to do all of the things that I've always wanted to do, and I think that I still can, but I think I need to know when it is not my time to speak. But what's hard is figuring out when that time is.

In every single field, my ability to succeed will be easier because I am a white person. Woman or man, it does not matter. Being white holds so much weight in this country.

I don't want my opinions and ideas to be invalidated based on the context of my whiteness. I want be able to be a role model for all girls, regardless of skin tone. I don't want people to feel as though they cannot draw inspiration from me because I am white.

I think as I grow older this will get easier. I think I will understand where I am needed and how I can take up space in a way that is beneficial for both me and the those around me.

I need to be critical with myself. I need to constantly ask myself: am I doing this for me, because it will help my image, or am I doing this for the cause?

In terms of the STEM community, it is true that I've faced less discrimination in it than others have. This is due to a variety of reasons, some of them being that...

I think the best way in which I can be the person I want to be is my dedicating my life to uplifting others. At least in some capacity. I want to highlight important women. I want to highlight important women in the STEM community and help change the narrative around what a scientist looks like. There are ways that I can do this without centering myself. The thing, though, that I will not deny is that I want to be significant. I want people to know who I am. At least some people at least. And I think that people can and will. I actually know that people will.

My intentions are good. I am a good person. I am not a perfect person. Sometimes I choose to do things that are beneficial to me and harmful to others. But I do these things knowing the cost of them. I accept the guilt that comes. I am really only talking about one thing. And this one thing is not a forever thing. We're not going to get married. We're having some fun. This is not a significant enough thing for it to actually impact my life.

I really enjoy writing when I get to write about whatever I want. I want to take a creative writing class. I think I am a good writer. I think I've become a much stronger writer over the past 2 years.

There are things I thought I loved that I don't think I really do. For instance, I honestly don't care about reading the essays of these ancient scientists and philosophers. I think they write in a way that makes it difficult for the average human being to understand and I don't like that. Knowledge is meant to be shared. It's hard for knowledge to be disseminated if it's shared in a way that the average person cannot understand. This is a matter of accessibility. And language. No one will give a fuck that you discovered an object in space if you write about in a way that makes it seem like you might as well be writing in a different language.

I get pissed off when I need to read academic writing, sometimes. It depends on what it's about, and if it's about something really interesting